Preparation

• Can you approach this conversation in a balanced, open, two-way manner?

• Is what you want to accomplish in this talk clear to you and is it what is needed?

• How would you come across this conversation?

• What baggage do you carry into this talk?

• What is your emotional connection to those bags?

• What is your expectation of the outcome? Best case, positive outcome? Less so?

• What concerns do you have about going into this talk?

• How can these issues be addressed?

Setting

• When and where should this talk take place?

• What is the safest place for both parties?

• What distractions can be anticipated and removed?

Keep in Mind

• Be curious, not judgmental. You will know by the number of questions you ask.

• Approach this in a positive, upbeat and welcoming manner and stay calm, even when it gets bumpy.

• Body language and tone say more than your words.

• Describe your experience, “I” statements; avoid judgment “you” statements

How to start

• I would like to discuss something with you that is important to me and I think will help us do our work together in a better way.

• I want to get your help on something, could we talk soon?

• I would like to discuss (you name the topic), but first I would like to really understand how you see it?

Active Engagement

• Focus on what they are saying and try to understand.

• Ask questions to clarify your understanding

• Don’t speak or act on your assumptions, try to get things understood first

• Try to see and appreciate their emotions around the issue, be empathetic

• Don’t rush to “solve” the problem

Common Ground

• Ask them how they see this

• Ask the what you have not understood

• Share how you see the situation now that you have heard them out, start with the common

• Ask them what they think some positive next steps would be, it is OK to offer yours as well

• Tell them you are committed to working in a positive direction and changing if needed; ask them if they are willing as well

• Identify a few positive next steps to take, what each of you will do, and when you will check in on progress and any redirection welcoming and open with trust